So last night I went out with a bunch of my high school friends. Now, this should be a normal experience for anyone. The problem is, I feel so unbelievably awkward in "hookup situations." As we are out and everyone is mingling with people they find intriguing, I found myself withdrawing to a corner and kind of staying away. How am I supposed to pursue who I find interesting when I look completely different than I feel?
A little about what eventually happened. As we were all discussing a potential "hookup" for a friend, I started talking to a friend of mine who knows all of this about me. It was about the only time I found myself actively engaging in conversations with people the whole night. It is amazing to me that, in 24 years of life in a male body, that the only time I felt comfortable all night was either when I was on my own watching or when I was talking with a trust friend.
I don't wish this life on anyone. It is truly a journey of experiences that are consistently awkward. The sadness that usually takes over when you are alone doesn't help either.
At least I have all of you who support me! Maybe someday soon all of this will be in the past :)
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