Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Answer to: Why?

I have had a lot of people ask me lately why I haven't gone through with my transition.  And honestly, it is a really tough thing for me to answer.  First off, I am not proud of where I am currently at.  I will save a lot of those reasons for a later post.  So here is my best explanation as to why.

For starters, I am in debt.  I went to college immediately after high school and racked up 30,000+ in student loans.  On top of that, I went into a field that is not very high paying.  This lack of money makes for a very difficult transition.  Secondly, I am in an extremely public field.  It would be a very "big deal" to all if I went through my transition in my job.  And finally, I am afraid of telling my family.  I would feel that I am disappointing them...that is really hard on me.

I want you all to imagine my situation.  I am already living on a tight budget, yet I am not who I truly want to be.  What do I do?  I have countless nights where I am on the verge of tears over all of this.  I simply cannot afford it.  How do I pay off student loans?  How do I pay rent for a place?  Where do I work so that I can be making some money, yet still go through a transition while holding that job?

It is a stressful life...I hope this really helps you understand another tough facet of it.

Thank you everyone for being there for me :)

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