So I have been thinking for a while about my friends. A few of my friends know all about me, while others have no idea.
That is beside the point. I really have only been comfortable in my life coming out to girls and guys who are gay. When I think about the girls I came out to in high school, I often wonder what they truly thought. I was never able to really show them who I was in person; I have always lived a double life.
It really makes me wonder though, who would my friends have been in high school? If I were truly a girl, who would I have hung out with? Who would I have dated? What would my life actually have been like? And of course...what would I have worn to prom?
This even extends to college. I roomed with a guy, which for someone like me is a lot more stressful than it looks. I hung out with girls and slowly came out to the girls on my floor. But still...I never showed anyone who I really was.
Maybe it is a dumb thing to want to know what life would have been like. I just look at where my life currently is and realize that I have been giving all of my friends half of who I am. This halving of friends has caused me to only halfway get to know the people I love.
I wish I had a group of people I could say I gave it all to...I wish.
~Madi~
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