A Dream

It's rather amazing how a dream can have such an impact on a life.

This all happened last night.  My dream led me to high school again and as I looked down, I had on a cute skirt and blouse combination.  I am not sure if I was in drag or if I was actually a girl, but I was at school and living female.

I got to experience a full day as a female.  It was amazing.  I had friends that were female that treated me as such.  Guys playfully talked to me and it felt great.  Then I woke up.

I woke up and the feelings of being beautiful and female put me in a great mood.  I loved the morning and took charge of my afternoon.  Then night hit...

I am not longing for that feeling again.  It seems that whenever I have a high I cannot help but experience a low so low that I just want to sit and give up.  Sometimes I think being transgendered is like being addicted to a drug.  You become so attached to the highs you sometimes feel and then cannot manage the lows.  You then act out and try to do something that makes you feel that high again.  It can be a healthy thing (like going out in female attire for the first time) or it can be a terrible thing (like drug use or self punishment).

This life is rough.  I know what people are going to say.  I am going to be told to act on it.  I am going to be told I am beautiful the way I am.  That is all good and great.  The issue is I am not at the point in my life where my roadblocks are pushed out of the way yet.  I don't pity anyone who has to go through this life.  I wish I was ready and financially able to be who I actually am.

~Madi~ :(

I'm Back!!

Hello,

It has been way too long.  I have missed you all a lot as you all probably realized...I have been quite absent as of late.  I truly am living a double life and am a bit like a method actress...I don't like to break my male character for fear that I will not be able to pull off being a guy anymore.

That being said, I am still a girl.  Here are a couple of updates:

1.  I started dressing the part again!  I am super jealous of all the summer dresses that I am seeing!!!
2.  I have been seeing a guy for a few months.  He's cute...and I guess we will find out more in the near future.
3.  I miss coming out to people and there may be more friends in the near future!

That being said, I miss being asked questions by people.  If you ever want to know anything about me feel free to ask.

I am super happy to be back!

~Madi~