Sorry for another sad post, but I'm really down in the dumps today. I feel really sick and I didn't sleep well last night. It's nights like these that really wreak havoc on me.
I really wish things were different in my life. I need a planning committee on how to get things going the right direction!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Night Alone
Sometimes, it is just nice having a night alone.
I was gone all weekend with my guy friends. It is always amazing to me how stressful that whole setup can be. When I get home and have a chance to be alone, I truly relish the opportunity.
Tonight, for instance, I chose to sit in my room and play some dress up. While I do not have enough for an entire outfit nor do I have makeup, I still at least have some of the undergarments and what not. It is just fun for me to be able to kind of be a girl for once :)
I want you all to imagine waking up every day and hating what you see when you look down. You don't hate it because it isn't "pretty" to you. You don't hate it because your friend's "looks better" to you. You hate it because you are stuck in someone else's body. I swear, every time I look at myself I feel like I am looking at some stranger. In fact, if I were to go streaking, I would probably feel no remorse or embarrassment because in my mind, it's not like I'm showing my own body.
It's a strange strange life! Maybe someday I'll actually have the "B" cups I am sporting right now :)
I was gone all weekend with my guy friends. It is always amazing to me how stressful that whole setup can be. When I get home and have a chance to be alone, I truly relish the opportunity.
Tonight, for instance, I chose to sit in my room and play some dress up. While I do not have enough for an entire outfit nor do I have makeup, I still at least have some of the undergarments and what not. It is just fun for me to be able to kind of be a girl for once :)
I want you all to imagine waking up every day and hating what you see when you look down. You don't hate it because it isn't "pretty" to you. You don't hate it because your friend's "looks better" to you. You hate it because you are stuck in someone else's body. I swear, every time I look at myself I feel like I am looking at some stranger. In fact, if I were to go streaking, I would probably feel no remorse or embarrassment because in my mind, it's not like I'm showing my own body.
It's a strange strange life! Maybe someday I'll actually have the "B" cups I am sporting right now :)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Something Positive
So I have been really negative in this blog, and I want to make sure that people know something good about my situation. Here is what I came up with...
People like me tend to live double lives. One thing that often happens with us is that we have to develop two ways of thinking. What people have learned through research is that boys and girls do thing very differently. In fact, they use different parts of their brains to make decisions. Well, that being said, transgendered people often develop thinking both ways. This often leads to people like me having a high IQ and a great memory.
I am truly thankful for this ability. It helped me get through school very easily and really made my academic life a lot easier. While it created a lot of confusion in my brain and some uncomfortable social situations, I truly was blessed in the classroom. Anyone who knows me will probably say that I have the best memory of anyone they have met.
Just wanted to leave you with something positive. If anyone else knows of something positive with my situation, please share :)
People like me tend to live double lives. One thing that often happens with us is that we have to develop two ways of thinking. What people have learned through research is that boys and girls do thing very differently. In fact, they use different parts of their brains to make decisions. Well, that being said, transgendered people often develop thinking both ways. This often leads to people like me having a high IQ and a great memory.
I am truly thankful for this ability. It helped me get through school very easily and really made my academic life a lot easier. While it created a lot of confusion in my brain and some uncomfortable social situations, I truly was blessed in the classroom. Anyone who knows me will probably say that I have the best memory of anyone they have met.
Just wanted to leave you with something positive. If anyone else knows of something positive with my situation, please share :)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
And suddenly, you get hit by a truck.
So I was sitting in my room today. I was enjoying myself and having a nice lazy Sunday. While reading my book, I started thinking about my life.
And that's when my "thought' truck hit me dead on.
It is amazing how much my mood can change on the dime. Everything is fine and I am not even thinking about how unfair things are, and then BOOM. Hit by a truck.
A really big truck.
I don't want to get hit by trucks anymore.
And that's when my "thought' truck hit me dead on.
It is amazing how much my mood can change on the dime. Everything is fine and I am not even thinking about how unfair things are, and then BOOM. Hit by a truck.
A really big truck.
I don't want to get hit by trucks anymore.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Another Weekend Excursion
I went out with a few guy friends again this week and realized that all they wanted to do was find some ladies to hook up with. During my time with them, I started to realize how little they actually knew about women. I started chuckling at their lack of "game" and understanding. It was truly hilarious to me.
As they were talking about a few girls at a distance, I started breaking down what I was seeing and what was going on in the girls' minds. Turns out that we all got drunk and decided to quiz them on how correct I was. See, my friends didn't believe me so they had to find out if I was making stuff up or correct.
We pulled one girl aside and I told her my prediction. I told her this:
"You started to pull away from the two guys you were with because they were both flirting with you too much and competing. You never really had interest in them anyway. Instead, you like them as friends and just wanted to have fun tonight. You started looking around for some of your girl friends because they were kind of far away and you needed to get away. Then one girl came over. Sadly, judging by your overreaction, your least favorite of the entire group came over but you acted anyway out of joy that a girl was there. In actuality, you just got out of a serious relationship and you aren't ready to start anything. It wasn't your idea to come out tonight...your friends forced you to."
She then slapped me in the face. She told me I was "too right" and that I must have talked to her ex.
I understand the female mind WAY better than the male. :)
As they were talking about a few girls at a distance, I started breaking down what I was seeing and what was going on in the girls' minds. Turns out that we all got drunk and decided to quiz them on how correct I was. See, my friends didn't believe me so they had to find out if I was making stuff up or correct.
We pulled one girl aside and I told her my prediction. I told her this:
"You started to pull away from the two guys you were with because they were both flirting with you too much and competing. You never really had interest in them anyway. Instead, you like them as friends and just wanted to have fun tonight. You started looking around for some of your girl friends because they were kind of far away and you needed to get away. Then one girl came over. Sadly, judging by your overreaction, your least favorite of the entire group came over but you acted anyway out of joy that a girl was there. In actuality, you just got out of a serious relationship and you aren't ready to start anything. It wasn't your idea to come out tonight...your friends forced you to."
She then slapped me in the face. She told me I was "too right" and that I must have talked to her ex.
I understand the female mind WAY better than the male. :)
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